“We can endure much more than we think we can; all human experience testifies to that. All we need to do is learn not to be afraid of pain. Grit your teeth and let it hurt. Don’t deny it, don’t be overwhelmed by it. It will not last forever. One day, the pain will be … Read More
You have little say in how you feel and how you will experience grief (but) you do have choices about how to deal with those feelings. ~ Kenneth Doka. Grief is a Journey: Finding your path through Loss Kenneth Doka, a respected grief counsellor and author, states repeatedly that feeling sad, missing the presence of … Read More
To change yourself you have to move from where you are and take a step, then you have to be willing to keep doing it. ~ Brent M. Jones Whether the New Year is the first days and weeks of January, or the new year is the first days and weeks after the anniversary of … Read More
Grief turns out to be a place none of us know until we reach it. ~ Joan Didion, The Year of Magical Thinking Grief as a place? Grief as a feeling? A state of being? Writers, poets, and musicians have long grappled — and pushed and wrestled — with words attempting to describe the experience … Read More
Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. ~Norman Cousins A significant part of the grieving process is a relearning/recreating of ourselves. Loss is often described as ‘shattering’, that is, as if we ourselves have shattered as truly as a dinner plate on a … Read More
What matters is not what life does to you but rather what you do with what life does to you. ~ Edgar Jackson Death is a choiceness event. Death happens to those we love and we have no choice about how or when. The result, however, is an often overwhelming feeling of helplessness. Nothing feels … Read More
“A person can be courageous and at the same time have doubts. Courage and doubt can coexist.” — Barbara R. Wheeler (When a Spouse Dies: What I didn’t Know about Helping Myself and Others Through Grief.) A common quote links fear and courage saying that fear gives courage wings. But, perhaps a better link, particularly when grieving, … Read More
“Loneliness expresses the pain of being alone and solitude expresses the glory of being alone.” — Paul Tillich Often after a loss we retreat into ourselves, we struggle with those around us who simply do not ‘get it’. Our friends and family want us to be better quickly and we can’t — so we avoid their … Read More
“Stories have to be told or they die, and when they die, we can’t remember who we are or why we’re here.” — Sue Monk Kidd One of my favourite phrases is Shakespeare’s “Give Sorrow Words”. Without words, heart ache is just that — ache, physical pain. But when we speak or write, we breath life into … Read More
“You are remembered in love. You are part of the now in me. All the good, all the love, all the comfort a person can give.” — Gerald Dicker You are part of the now in me. After saying goodbye to a beloved partner, memories weave in and out of our minds and hearts, sometimes as … Read More
“It does not take much strength to do things, but it requires a great deal of strength to decide what to do.” ― Elbert Hubbard Popular wisdom states that we shouldn’t make important, life-changing, decisions during the first year after a major loss. Sometimes, however, doing so is impossible and decisions have to be made. Lean on … Read More
“Remember that the most valuable antiques are dear old friends.” — H. Jackson Brown, Jr. Who is your oldest friend? When did you meet? When did you last speak — really speak, not text? When we are grieving these old friends are indeed valuable. Perhaps your friend reached out to you during this time. Perhaps he … Read More
