Your success with managing money (success as in being proficient, not necessarily in being wealthy) has a lot to do with how you think about money. This correlation has been studied for decades and proven time and time again. If you want to get better at managing your money, if you want to remove financial stress from your life, it’s imperative you re-frame your thinking and develop a positive money mindset.
I’m sure you’ve heard or read about re-framing your thoughts to improve your life in almost any area, including money. There’s a plethora of authors, TV hosts, and motivational speakers making a good living promoting this concept. It may seem a bit flakey to you. A lot of it does to me. Much of it promotes believing in something larger than the physical world — universal intelligence, infinite intelligence, God, or various other names for a higher power.
I’m not here to espouse a particular belief system or convince you that if you just think about solving your money problems and think about prosperity it’ll land in your lap. No, I’m a believer that fixing your station in life requires some effort on your part, not just a daily mediation on hoping for more money or chanting money affirmations in front of the mirror every morning.
That said, I do believe what you think about in any aspect of your life has a lot to do with making positive change. It also helps to alter how and what you talk about. Thinking and speaking more positively will make a difference. But then it also takes action, changing what you have been doing and taking concrete steps in a new direction to facilitate a real and lasting difference.
After having lost your spouse/partner, I imagine you’re thinking about how impossible it feels to have a positive mindset about anything, let alone developing a positive mindset about money. As a widow, you may be feeling financial hardship because of your loss. Or, you may not be short of money, but you’re feeling scared because your spouse looked after most of the financial details. You may be fearing the unknown, the multiple variables of the future. Stress over finances can come from many sources, all of which will be compounded when you add grief into the mix.
In my last post, I talked about 7 steps to take to deal with financial stress. In the seventh point, the one about re-framing your thinking, you can use several measures to help make adjustments over time that will improve your money mindset. Here are a few suggestions to start with.
Begin thinking about managing your money as a form of self-care.
This is the first bit of advice I’d give anyone who is struggling with money, but self-care becomes critically important at the times in our lives when we feel completely devastated. When you’re feeling incredibly blue, it’s easy to fall out of the day-to-day habits that keep you healthy — eating well, getting enough sleep, maintaining a modicum of physical activity. It’s easy to ignore your financial issues too. While it may not be your top priority immediately, neither can be it be left unattended for a long time. Just like not brushing your teeth, avoiding managing your money will only lead to an unhealthy financial condition that will take longer to fix (and maybe cost more money) down the road.
As I’ve said in previous posts, I don’t recommend making any major financial decisions in the first year unless necessary. And there are many financial decisions that can be deferred for weeks and sometimes even months after your spouse is gone. But the basics — the tending to the monthly bills and expenses, getting familiar with the accounts and your overall financial picture — is what you’ll need to begin addressing as part of taking care of yourself.
Think of it like an exercise program. At this point, you don’t need to achieve a great level of athleticism, but make sure you’re going for a walk each day. Make sure your spending is in balance with your income in the same way you make sure your eating is balanced with exercise. As time goes by, managing your financial affairs will become a part of your overall self-care just like brushing your teeth, going for a daily walk, and making healthy choices in the kitchen.
Become aware of the language you use around money.
Our mindset about any subject is always reflected by the language we use and the attitude we display when that subject comes up. Become aware of how you talk and think about money, particularly what you say to yourself about money (what psychologists call “self-talk”).
If you find yourself saying things like
“I’m no good with money”
“I’m just not very smart when it comes to numbers”
“I hate budgeting”
you have work to do in improving your self-talk and thoughts about money.
Negative self-talk can become destructive, shaping how you feel and believe about certain aspects of your life. If you tell yourself you’re not good with money often enough, it becomes internalized and becomes a self-fulfilling statement.
When talking and thinking about money, listen to the language you use, especially in your self-talk. Stop telling yourself you’re no good with money. Instead, remind yourself that while you may be inexperienced, you’re committed to learning and understanding what it takes to look after your own affairs.
“Practice” working with your money.
Even if you’ve never taken a yoga class, you’ve probably heard it referred to as yoga “practice”. It’s called “practicing” because it reiterates the concept that you’re continually working towards improvement from whatever point you start at. Perfection is never attained. What’s important, is that through regular practice you see improvement in your own level of ability. As the small improvements become apparent to you, you’ll gain self-confidence and satisfaction.
The best athletes continue to use practice as a way to fine tune their abilities. Musicians and actors don’t stop practicing even when they’ve reached a professional level. They continue to hone their skills with regular rehearsals. Working with your money should be viewed in the same way.
You may not have a lot of experience and expertise now, but with practice and learning a few simple, basic skills, money management will eventually become easier. In fact, before long a few aspects will become second nature to you and your fears will begin to disappear.
Practice does require consistency and discipline on your part. Like a piano student playing scales every day, you may not seem like you’re making great progress, but overtime the improvements will come. You may not need to check your accounts daily, but if you dedicate at least 1/2 hour per week to begin with, going over your statements, staying up to date on your bills and reading a book or two on financial matters, it won’t be long and you’ll see your financial skills and confidence grow.
So moving forward, take these initial steps towards developing a positive money mindset:
Begin thinking of managing your money as a form of self-care.
Become aware of your language and thoughts about money, re-framing them in a positive light.
Commit to spending at least 1/2 hour per week to “practice” working with your money.
There’s plenty more to discuss on this topic. I will be posting more advice on this down the road, so keep checking back for more tips to improve your money mindset.
