I realize as I’m writing this that there’s a good chance you’ve already laid your loved one to rest. Although sometimes services are held off for some time, more often than not people hold them within the first week or two following a death. However, I want to bring this subject up early in this blog because funeral expenses are one of the financial matters that can be a real worry for the surviving widow.
Before I go any further, I just want you to know that I’m going to use the word funeral a lot, purely for brevity sake. I fully realizing that the word often creates an image of a religious or formal ceremony and many people now days choose to have something much less formal. Today, services are often held at funeral homes, at community centres or even the home of the family of the deceased. I’ve even been to services at a golf course and one on the pitching mound of a baseball diamond. These are obviously less formal and often referred to as a “memorial service’ or the now popular phrase “a celebration of life”. Just know that when I use the word funeral, I want you to interpret that in any manner that you’re comfortable with.
Funerals can be expensive. It’s not unusual to hear of final arrangements costing in the range of $7000 to $10,000. And, most funeral homes expect payment upon completion of arrangements. Sometimes that means prior to the service. That can be a real pinch.
Even if you have the resources to pay for whatever style of service you want, you may not have the cash readily available. You may have term deposits coming due or other assets you can use, but not having cash on hand can be stressful. So let’s take a look at what typical funeral expenses are and how to pay for them.
I’ve had people ask me about how much a funeral “should” cost and there’s no correct answer. It really depends on what you want. For most of my life, the majority of funerals I’ve attended were traditional services, held in a church and the deceased was buried in a casket and laid to rest in a cemetery. I’m sure most of these types of services would have fallen into the pricier end of the cost spectrum. In the past 10 years or so, I’ve attended and heard of more non-traditional funerals, many of which I suspect would cost significantly less than that.
I know some funeral homes offer funeral arrangements as low as about $2000 plus the cremation fee (which should be under $1000). Of course you can make arrangements for the cremation yourself, and take possession of the ashes and hold a celebration of life at a location of your choice that costs little or nothing. Now days a funeral can be whatever you want.
Common funeral expenses
Let’s take a look at what typical funeral expenses can entail. I’m not going to give you price ranges as prices will depend a lot on where you live. Also, this is not an exhaustive list because there are many ways money can be spent at a funeral. These are just the common ones:
- Casket or cremation
- Embalming/body preparation
- Funeral home basic fees plus any additional ceremony and viewing service costs
- Burial plot and interment fees
- Headstone, grave marker or an urn for ashes.
- Flowers and other ornamental features
- Food and beverages for a reception following the service
- Obituary publication
By the way, a change that I’ve noticed is more common today is for people to publish a much more abbreviated obituary in the local newspapers. Placing a lengthy obituary in a newspaper is expensive. Given that most funeral homes have websites and most people have access to the internet (or someone who does), a lengthier obituary can be put up on the funeral home’s site and a shorter, less expensive version can be put in the newspaper if you want. Many funeral homes will also place a simple notification of death and memorial service for little or no cost. This is an excellent way to trim the funeral costs.
Making the Arrangements
Ideally, you and your spouse would have had some discussions regarding what each of your wishes would be in the event of your passing but that doesn’t always happen. So, you may be faced with a lot of decisions to make and having another person or several people to bounce ideas off of can be very valuable. This is the time to huddle together with other family members and friends and put together what you feel will be a meaningful service to commemorate your spouse.
Depending on your own life experience, you may already be familiar with what needs to be done to make funeral arrangements, but if not here’s a quick guide to help you through that. I’ll try to outline it in a way that can be modified and adapted to match whatever your religious or cultural considerations may be.
The First Steps
You and your spouse may have done some preplanning such as having selected a funeral home, purchasing a burial plot. At the very least, you may have had discussions about cremation vs. burial, having an informal vs. a formal service, and such. If you haven’t, you’ll need to start making these basic decisions fairly quickly.
Whether you’re thinking of keeping things simple (or maybe you have to) or are looking for something very traditional in the way of a memorial service, having a funeral director in your corner will help. You already may have one in mind, but if you don’t, consider talking to your friends and family members who may have been through the process and see if you can get a recommendation or two to narrow the choices down.
Some things you’ll want to consider when choosing a funeral home include:
Location – Choosing one within the community you live in is probably a very prudent choice to make. Or, perhaps you live in one city but your spouse’s wishes are to be interred where they grew up. Or, perhaps your spouse passed away at some location away from home, such as on a vacation or business trip, in which case you’ll need some help with transportation back home. Choose a funeral home wherever the final arrangements will take place and they can take care of any transportation arrangements that are necessary
Religious/cultural provisions – A very important consideration for most people is whether or not the funeral home can accommodate any religious or cultural accommodations you may have and if you have no religious affiliation, they should still be able to provide other service style alternatives for you.
Services and amenities – Funeral homes offer a range of services and amenities, including the use of their facility for the service, making arrangements for flowers, having food catered, and more. You’ll need to decide what you want and what you don’t want. The funeral home should be very clear on what the prices are for the various features you want and also be able to identify alternatives if costs are an issue.
No high pressure sales – Another very important consideration is that the funeral home you choose should be one that makes you feel comfortable, is willing to help with the decision making process without trying to influence you on purchasing more than you want. You should be able tell them the budget you want to work within and they should be able to accommodate that.
How to pay for a Funeral
Now that we’ve covered the types of things that can cost money, let’s look at some of the potential ways to cover those expenses beyond using your credit cards, dipping into savings, investments or other less liquid assets that may be available. Again, this is not an exhaustive list and it may depend a bit on which province, state or country you live in, but here are some of the common sources of funds that can help pay for a funeral:
Life insurance policies from either private or group plans – I’m mentioning these first because they can pay out very quickly upon receipt of a death certificate and any other documentation required. If you can get the paperwork into the insurance company asap, you can get a cheque asap.
Government programs & benefits – These would include provincial/state/federal assistance programs, survivor’s benefits, and government pension plans. By the way, most funeral homes will assist you in getting all the necessary documents together and filing them with the appropriate government agencies to access these funds.
Work related sources – Company, union, and professional organization benefits may be available and if so should be accessed.
Veteran’s affairs programs – If your spouse served in the military, check with the local veteran’s affairs office to see if any funds for honourable discharged veterans are available.
Social services – Beyond regular government benefits available upon a death, social service departments may be able to help provided eligibility requirements are met.
Family and friends – Sometimes it can come down to asking for some help from people you know. Crowdfunding is becoming increasingly common. Websites such as GoFundMe are easy to use. Simply set up a page and send out notifications via social media and email. Then people can chip in even small bits of money to help out. Collectively it can really add up.
That covers many of the bases regarding making funeral arrangements, what type of expenses to expect, and ways you can access funds to help cover the associated costs.
Check out our resources page for a checklist to help you with your funeral arrangements.
In my next blog post, we’ll be talking about using the “buddy system” to help you navigate your financial decision making over the the coming weeks and months.
