I want to introduce to you the concept of thinking of managing your money as part of your overall self-care. Wikipedia says, “self-care is any necessary human regulatory function which is under individual control, deliberate and self-initiated”. Simply put, as this fact sheet says, “self-care is care provided for you, by you”. Read anything on this topic and you’ll find the concept addresses physical health as well as the psychological, emotional, social, and spiritual well-being of a person.
Some elements of self-care are critical to our survival such as eating enough to live and moving our bodies regularly to stay mobile. After we have our basic needs met, there are a myriad of ways to take our self-care to a higher level. Using the eating and exercise example, a person can fine tune their diet to meet their needs as an athlete. You can modify your fitness regime beyond a daily walk to include taking yoga to keep your entire body supple as you age.
All forms of self-care require regular, if not daily, attention to be effective. If we ignore any one aspect we soon find ourselves in disrepair, perhaps in our appearance or, more seriously, in our physical and mental health.
Money Management is Part of Your Self-Care
I believe looking after your money falls into the realm of self-care. There is a basic subsistence level required. We need to have enough financial resources to survive. Beyond that, we can look after our affairs in ways to achieve any broader goals we have. Lack of attention in this area can have a negative effect on your physical, psychological, emotional, social, and yes I would even say your spiritual well-being (a topic for another day).
Neglecting your financial matters leads to stress and financial stress can manifest itself in some horrible ways including depression and anxiety. Stress induced adrenaline and cortisol can increase your blood pressure and heart rate, contribute to loss of memory, and even lower your body’s natural immunity. Financial stress can have an impact on your children, influencing how they’ll manage their money in the future. There’s a lot at stake here, for you and your family.
Common Fears
So why are money matters so often pushed to the back burner? People often think that by focusing on their financial affairs they will become obsessed with money. They fear they’ll be viewed as greedy or materialistic, and they’ve been told since they were children that money can’t buy happiness. Many have simply told themselves that they’re not good at it for so long, they actually believe they can’t manage their money well. Still others know they have financial problems but choose avoidance as a way to deal with it (if you’re experiencing this read 7 Steps For Dealing With Financial Stress).
There’s also the fear of moving beyond the very basic levels of money management. Some people are afraid they’ll get in over their head, won’t understand what they’re doing and make a huge, irreversible mistake. Many widows struggle with this fear, especially in the early stages of widowhood. Many widows also feel like they don’t have the energy to look after this part of their life.
Alleviating Those Fears
If you can relate to this, remember to view managing your money as part of your overall self-care. In the first year of widowhood, focus on looking after the basics, like paying the bills each month. As time goes by, when you’re feeling more capable, you’ll be able to move beyond the basics and take your financial management to a higher level.
If you’re unsure about managing your affairs beyond the basics, if you’re afraid of making mistakes, you’re not alone. That’s a common feeling among widows. It’s also a manageable fear. It’s been my experience that these concerns can be overcome by taking two steps: making a commitment to educate yourself on the issues that you’re not comfortable with, and making a commitment to spend more time on your affairs than you are currently doing.
Believe me, the education part won’t be that hard if you take it one step at a time and to begin with, simply commit to spending a little more time on a regular basis than you currently are. Checking on your finances for a few moments each week is better than spending an hour every six months.
Remember, you don’t have to do this alone. Lean on your financial buddy, and use the resources of the people who play roles in your financial management — your banker, your accountant, your investment advisor, insurance agent, etc. Let them know what your worries are and they will help address your concerns. If they’re not speaking in plain language, ask them to simplify it for you.
Take it slow to begin with. Remember, the first year of widowhood you don’t want to make any major financial decisions unless you absolutely have to. Use the first year, to get used to managing the basics. Get as much help as you need along the way. Over time, your comfort level and confidence will increase and you can take on more.
Going forward, think about managing your financial matters in the same way you think about your diet, exercise, and other self-care choices. It’s part of looking after yourself. Making “healthy” choices with your money and staying on top of the basics will prevent problems in other parts of your life. Taken beyond the basics, managing your money well will give you peace of mind and give you a wider range of choices to live the lifestyle that you want, not the lifestyle you can afford.
Small Changes Can Make A Big Difference
I’ll soon be launching a new page on Suddenly Single Survival Guide called “Small Change” to provide you with basic money management tips. Here you’ll find easy to understand, “bite-sized” bits of information. Implementing these small changes into your regular money management regimen, will help you take control of your financial affairs and boost your confidence in your money management skills.
In the meantime, get plenty of rest, eat well, get a bit of exercise each day and take care of yourself in all aspects of your life.
